All the way from Shanghai, Canada

I never did post the story of the advent of the Mac. For years I've been a wannabe Switchy McSwitchenstein and for all that time I've been rather pathetically buying Mac accessories and gadgets but never Macs; at least not Macs for me. Since my very first iPod in 2002 I think I've bought

• 6 Apple keyboards
• 5 more iPods
• 2 iPhones
• 3 Airport Expresses
• 2 Apple TVs
• 1 23" Apple Cinema Display
• 1 24" iMac for my wife

so you can imagine that after so many years of staunch self-control (oh yes, that's what I've called it) my purchase of an actual Apple computer, for me, was a watershed moment. And yes, of course as soon as I placed my order I wanted it here now! So here the trouble starts. Go to store.apple.com and you'll see that next-day delivery is available on the MacBook Pro. Click on it, configure it and put it in your cart, however, and you'll find that the best on offer is three business days. May as well say "eternity" but I curse under my breath, pay the $18 and go for this "expedited" shipping. Three days later, of course, the thing hasn't even shipped yet because it's still being "configured". I call up 1-800-MY-APPLE, probably the thousandth person just that morning moaning that they want their new shiny toy now and why can't they have it now and you promised it now and so on. She's great, though: friendly and understanding. She explains that the custom builds take a bit longer to ship but once it ships it'll get here right away... and as a good faith gesture she'll credit me the $18 I paid for the expedited shipping. So you're going to zero out the $18 charge but still ship it expedited? Oh yes, it'll ship expedited just as soon as it's ready. OK, let's do that. Shame I have to wait but what can I do? Fast forward a few days and through hundreds of hopeful refreshes of my Order Status page, and we get finally to that magic email saying that my order has shipped. Yippee! But wait, fedex.com says that the shipment missed the deadline and is now in limbo waiting through the weekend and gosh what does that mean for my new laptop? Monday comes and goes. No update on fedex.com beyond "Shipment exception: pickup deadline missed". Tuesday arrives and the same shipment status on fedex.com. I call FedEx but their international shipment desk has closed for the day and could I call back tomorrow? Aargh! On Wednesday, fedex.com shows that whatever post-weekend parcel enema they administer has been successful at flushing my laptop out of the warehouse in China... but wait, what's that? It's due to arrive 11 days hence? Hoo boy. I call 1-800-MY-APPLE again. What's up with this? A next-day order, downgraded to a 3-day order, with a good faith refund of shipping fees, now downgraded to slow-boat-from-China delivery? The rep explains what a long way my laptop has got to travel. It's coming all the way from "Shanghai, Canada", sir. Oh, and how would I like a full credit on that copy of VMWare that I bought? Sigh. Later that day an automated email arrives from Apple asking me to fill in a satisfaction survey about my purchase and interactions with the call center folks. I fill it in honestly, and point out that goddammit don't they realize how frustrating this is? Perhaps paradoxically, but especially for someone who's been waiting five years putting off buying a Mac! The next day two things arrive: (a) my laptop; and (b) a voicemail from some Apple dude asking me to call him regarding my feedback on the survey. I didn't call back yet. I've been too busy enjoying my new toy...